Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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