She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
