I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
