omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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