He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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