I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
