Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
