he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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