it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
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and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
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"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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