You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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