I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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