I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
