I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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