I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
it's not cheating when I paid for it
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
