Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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