If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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