Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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