my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
