I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
