There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
