??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
