Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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