I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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