on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
