I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
