i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
