Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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