also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
