Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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