The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
