Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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