Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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