you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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