And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
