he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
