trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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