like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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