I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
