after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
