She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize