i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
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I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
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Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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