god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
pray to the hookup gods
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
