I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
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if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
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Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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