we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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