i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
