I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
