Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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