First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
you had me at cake vodka
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
