That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
