It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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