At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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