dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
