I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
